~Dream of love~

If I know what is love, it is the endless happiness that you give to yourself

Once, he came into my life; filled my heart with love and filled my mind with wild imaginings. Days passed by and my love for him bloomed like a rose flower. Didn’t I know that I was living in a world of illusion where the reality could shake my ground. As time flew, I realized that I was not not even an important character since the beginning. Nope nope nope, I have no regret because I loved with all my heart. If you love someone wholeheartedly…..then you are a true soul; if the person did not love you back, he is the one who lost you. There are some people who end up giving their lives for the one they love. I mean really. Are you people nut? You need to learn to love yourself first in order to love someone else. In a couple life, it is always that a girl would want to be beautiful all the time; would want to feel more appreciated. She sees herself in the mirror first, before her boyfriend have a look at her. Why does she do like that? Because she learns to love herself first before others love her everyday. Actually people are always like when they receive love, care and affection in abundance, they never complain but when someone they love cheats, leave them in between or do not live up to their expectation, they turn their world upside down with their own hands. Ohh now you realize how much it hurts when your love is away from you. But do you realize that you cause more harm than good to the people in your surroundings who love you. Staying aloof, depressed or suicide, you simply ruin yourself and the atmosphere of your neighbors. I sincerely appreciate the famous Selena Gomez. She had been facing difficulties in her love relations where she had to face the world. And in one of her interviews she proudly says that no matter what people perceives of her, she always shine at the end of the day. When she performs, no matter what obstacles she had; she always wears a self confidence for her amazing people who loves her the way she is. So, do you think that you fit in a devastated world full of negative feelings or emotions? Of course not. You are beautiful and your life is a gift. Cherish it to the fullest.

As far as concerned to my boring single life, I’m manifesting in my own dreams to add colors to it. Nearly one month that I’m idle at home and I’m tired of sending CVs for my internship. I love sleeping at home though; so for the time being I don’t feel motivated to disturb my comfort zone. I really wish life could be the same to that of Heidi. She lives in the mountain with her Uncle amidst the nature and fresh air. By the way Heidi is a good book by Johanna Spyri. It was my favorite in my teens because it was easy and shorter to read and most importantly did not give me headaches:) Reading big and hectic books was never my cup of coffee. Well, there is lot to narrate but I can’t buy the time:(

Words are left unsaid, secrets are buried and you’re all alone with your thoughts

Lying on my bed with my laptop and my doll besides me, I really wish that my doll could talk to me. I’m really bored with the fake people surrounding me, trying to pretend that they really care when in fact it is not the case. And it’s only when my morale is down, I find encouragement through the help of words. I greatly believe in the power of words, this can truly change a person’s life or can even ruin the life of a person. Inside the beautiful soul, there’s something that I’ve realized. Nobody knows the truest version of who you are. Even the Japanese says that humans have 3 faces; 1st that we show the world, 2nd that we show to family and friends and third one, our actual reflection that we never show to anyone. There are people who come to this world with their words untold and secrets that are buried within themselves. The problem is not that the person is selfish or afraid of being of being extrovert. It’s the people who surrounds them that make the person keeping his words, feelings or thoughts to himself. I’ve been in situations where to others I’m a very happy girl, but the chaos that is inside myself is undefinable. Indeed, we may have our mother, or someone who we are close to and to whom we share our things but certainly, we always keep a plus point to ourselves. There are times in my life where I no longer know to whom should I lay my trust upon, who is genuine and who is really there for me. My mom,dad and my two sweet sis are always by my side but I never add up sadness over their happiness. Up til now, it’s always that I’ve open up to a wrong person. Trusting someone again would be like sitting in a capsizing boat and afraid of a wave that can pull me down at any time. And in the end, I find myself alone with thoughts.

We’re born alone, and we die alone

~Emery Lord

Life is not always a perfect one so be happy with whatever you have – It’s more like shining gold.

Someone once told me~’To live is life’. It’s true that life doesn’t always give us what we want. Sitting in a frustrated mood and hearing indistinct chatters coming from the kitchen. Being a 21 years old girl, I still have to ask permissions from my parents for whatever I do. And there, my cousins, must be bursting out of laughter and enjoying their night-outs. Parents think for the betterment of their kids and keeping this in mind, I’m trying to fake my grumpy mood. I shouldn’t be complaining though; since my exams are near and the days are approaching so fast like long distant big waves are ready to engulf small boats. When I’m idle at home the 24 hours are like a century and when I have exams it’s totally the opposite. We have to admit that whatever we want in life never comes easy.

Initially I was like, once i complete my education I’ll find myself a rich man and sitting leisurely; I shall enjoy all the comforts. I’m pretty sure that there might be other girls who would have this similar kinda mindset. Then later I realized, it won’t be my success. Taking an elevator to attain success is always temporary. The speed that you would want to fly the sky, it’s with the same speed that you would fall. It’s only when you will take stairs that you will be satisfied. Dreams are dreams and once attaining them, the satisfaction is undefinable. So better is, I keep chasing the dreams with my effort until I don’t get it.

We people, we are never satisfied with whatever we have. We always crave for more and more and tend to become greedy. Well, I’ve stopped! I have a fate and I have to accept it the way it is. Whether it would be proven to be lucky or unlucky. If God has created me, then he must have surely decided my fate. Life can be exquisite only if you know how to add colors to it. You are solely responsible for your own happiness and sadness. And the sooner you realize it, the better it is:)

Sailing alone

I’m sailing alone to see if

I have the capacity to cross the ocean

Following up a course, this is how I ended here. Ugh, I’m currently a level 2 university student, bombarded with leadership notes on my messy table. The only question in my mind that halted my revision was ‘Am I a leader of my own dreams?’.

Astonishingly, I don’t know. All the time I keep on daydreaming and indulging in fantasies which I greatly desire one day. Its like as if I’m still at the seashore watching the horizon and wishing I could be at the end of the sea, of what I perceive of the horizon. All I want for the time being is to complete my graduate level. What I will become later….this I don’t know but in the end all I want is to be a happy girl, successful girl, having high purchasing power, a dream car, traveling to countries I want and especially having a dressing style where some other people watching me adores the way I’m dressed. That’s a lot I know; but as Norman Vincent Peale says – “Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.”

And here I am, sill at the seashore; ready to sail alone and in the hope to achieve what I want in the end. Well, ‘my hope’ it is actually the only line that encourages me and give me hope!

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